Mastering Self-Assurance As a Service Provider

In this conversation, Dominika Legrand discusses the importance of self-assurance in business, exploring how attachment styles can influence professional interactions. She emphasizes the need for empathy and understanding in client relationships, advocating for a balance between confidence and humility. The discussion highlights the pitfalls of desperation and superiority in communication, encouraging entrepreneurs to foster genuine connections with clients.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Building Self-Assurance in Business
• 5:03 Understanding Attachment Styles in Business Interactions
• 10:14 Balancing Confidence and Empathy in Client Relationships
• 15:04 Navigating Superiority and Inferiority in Business Dynamics

Transcript

Dominika Legrand (00:00.184)
Hello my dearest entrepreneur friends. Welcome to another video. If this is the first time you ever caught me on a video, my name is Domi. I'm a marketing consultant slash fractional CMO. I help grow businesses online with marketing now and more. I'm not just a marketer guys. I do so much more. Anyway, today I want to talk about how to be more self-assured in your own business and why that is so important.

So I'm not sure if you guys aware of the attachment styles in the anxious, avoidant, disorganized, secure, but I do believe that you can bring some of your attachment styles into the way you operate in business. And I'm going to give you some context. So I am actively looking to hire a videographer slash editor.

for my business because I've been doing my own video editing for the longest time and it's time for me to help delegate a task so I can just create content more and not having to spend hours on Adobe Premiere Pro cutting the videos. Even though I know how to do it, I don't like to do it. And so what ended up happening is I put out a post that I'm looking for a video editor and sure enough, I have gotten some responses, some DMs as well.

And I have gotten an email from a video editor even though I did not give my email. This person went the extra mile and checked my email to really stand out in the way he was applying to work with me. Right? So the first thing when I saw this email coming through, my first thought was that's so great. This person is really, really getting out of their way to be different, to stand out. That's amazing.

I love it. because I had a huge influx of people applying and coming and DMing, that took me a while to really go through everyone's applications and make sure I get to give a fair chance to everyone who's applying and really explaining the project in detail. Except, so I didn't immediately respond. I just saw the email. I thought, okay, I'm going to get to this one when I get to this one, but I need to go through every single person that wanted to work.

Dominika Legrand (02:14.388)
this project with me and lo and behold fact that I didn't answer to that email resulted in another email the next day and another one the next day and another one the next day and another one and it became this email chain in my inbox coming from this person slowly getting more and more and more and more desperate to the point where I this person was telling me like

I'm starting to worry and I'm like, okay, I didn't respond and then another email I'm starting to worry about you like me like as if I'm like, you know, somehow not existing I don't know what the worry was about but the more time went by the more Desperate the person and more anxious the person have gotten in their emails and I've gotten to the point where and of course there was a lot of like

irrelevant info in the email that has nothing to do with the project and more and more, you know, desperation as time went by. But I really like first I had this hunch to respond back to be like, hey, just chill out. I'll get to you when I get to you. I have a lot of applications and I need to sort everyone through. Like I don't, I can't just, you know, respond right away. I will be getting back to you when I get back to you. That was my first instinct. But the more I got those emails, like those like

Hey, I'm worried about you. Like, hey, like what's up? Are you still, do you want to still do the project? Like the more that desperation came through, the more inclined I felt not to respond at all. If I blocked the sender. Because when we are in business and we know that what we have is good stuff, you know, there can be two scenarios. Either we are super excited about what we have to offer and excited to work together on the project.

And that could be an initial excitement that, you know, maybe we should send them an email or two, right? That we are excited to speak and to chat. But when it turns into anxiety, that's a different question. And I used to have this friend who constantly did this, Hey, I'm just following up. I'm just following up. I'm just following up. As if, you know, this chain email that came through with the follow ups.

Dominika Legrand (04:34.084)
The client who was initially showing interest is very quickly going to turn uninterested. And okay, so how do we, how do we not do this? If you are the type of person who like, okay, I'm quite anxious. I catch myself anxious when, you know, when I'm just about to work with someone, I catch myself, you know, maybe messaging too often to too much too many times. How do I just become more self-assured? Okay. So just don't message.

as many times. I know it's a simple answer, but I want you to understand a little bit about the other person. And I think that's where empathy comes very handy. If you have emotional empathy, you are not only able to understand people's emotions, but also you can put yourself into their shoes and you can think with their minds. So thinking with their minds mean that you can zoom out of the project and you can speak to them as they are

the leaders in their own company is there are business owners as you are also a business owner yourself. So instead of creating this inferiority superiority complex, like you are placing yourself inferior to the client or superior to the client and you are like, you know, very pushy in your messaging because that's another extreme when you are very pushy, right? Or when you are very desperate.

That's a two extreme one comes from inferiority one comes from superiority like either you place yourself too low or too high. Okay, that's a different conversation. But when there is this imbalance, it's really hard for you to stay grounded in your expertise and who you are and what you offer. And it's really hard for you to look at the way and the lens they are seeing this entire project. When I am balanced in myself.

any of my expertise and I'm grounded. And I can think with the head of the entrepreneur as if I'm talking to the entrepreneur who is a business owner just like me. So there is no separation between you and me. We are the same, except we have different pieces of the puzzle. You have an expertise that I miss or something I want to not do or delegate. Or you have an expertise where I can, you know, benefit from.

Dominika Legrand (06:54.566)
that you can help me out, we are on the same level. And once you understand and you don't try to overcompensate on both of those extremes or approach, once you understand and you balance yourself in a way that you are, I'm a business owner, you're a business owner, we're business owners, and you can speak to someone with that understanding, you're golden. Because business owners, they don't like desperate,

and they don't like pushy energy. Like if I'm looking, I'm looking for someone who can understand me, who can understand what I'm looking for, who can respect my timeline in coming through with working together and my space and time in deciding and me having my own agency. Okay, that's another thing. Me having my own agency in responding when I know I can. So when I assume...

that the type of person I'm going to work with has smart, has their own agency. I know they can get back to me when they can. And I speak with that understanding in my message, in my email, giving them the space they need if they need it. You know, you can be following up and still give them space and still think, you know what? I'd love to work with you. I'd love to learn more about the project. Whenever you get around it, I'm here. That's a different energy than, hey,

just for leaving up, haven't gotten back to you, do you still want to do the project? Do you still want to do it? I can really help you, I know I can. I'm just starting to getting worried about you. That's a different energy. Because that person doesn't understand that I probably have to comb through a ton of applications and my entire world is not revolving around her or his projects. Or my entire world is not revolving around their projects.

because that they only see the limited view of their own business and their own gain and they can't zoom out to see the big picture of how can we benefit together both and how can we work on solving this issue together in a way that feels good for both of us. So how do we do this? How do we really like first just have those understandings like have those understandings of other people like how they are thinking give them

Dominika Legrand (09:16.208)
the benefit of that out, give them agency over their own decisions. Like you don't have to say a hundred times, Hey, are you coming? Are you coming? Are you sure? you be there? Just filling up. Like if you do that, you don't trust that the person is smart enough to show up. You think that they are dumb. That's very interesting to me. Why are you working with dumb people? Right? Like you are not only casting your own projecting your anxiety on people.

or superiority, even if you're pushing, but you're also thinking that they don't have enough self agency to navigate this conversation and come back to you when they can. So being able to take a step back, balancing yourself and trusting that the person that you are gonna do business with is more than able and capable to make a decision on when to talk to you, how to talk to you, and your job is to make sure that you let them know you are there.

and just chill out, right? It's not always about pushing and pushing and being desperate. And some people say, well, know, persistence pays off. I don't know if it does. Persistence pays off when you're persistent in pursuing and generating opportunities for you. There's nothing wrong with that. But also persistence in that sense of anxiety and desperation sometimes can push people away that would

naturally be interested that this guy who messaged me, who emailed me, this person really stood out for me because instead of just DMing, there was an email coming through, right? But because of these constant follow-ups, follow-ups, follow-ups, like, you know, getting desperate, I completely got turned off and I'm no longer interested in doing business with this person. So if there was just that one or two email at the beginning, I would have said, fine, you know,

I'll get around it. I'll respond when I can. But because it turned into desperation mood, I'm like, I'm not sure. Another thing I want to add here, since we're talking about how to be more self-assured in business and how to be more grounded and like chill without obviously without being like hoardy or self-rageous. There's nothing. I'm not superior to anyone when I'm grounded in my expertise, right? I'm I don't have to think less of the client that I'm working with just because

Dominika Legrand (11:42.528)
they are doing a service for me or I need something to be done for me. We are the same. We are leveling on the same. We are on the same wavelength. I'm just thinking out loud what I'm missing. So my first steps would be it's okay to stand out. It's okay to take approaches differently, right? It's okay for you to be different and wanting to stand out in your approach in reaching out to people, but also understand

and try to understand where the person that is hiring is at their headspace. And the more you can think with their heads and the more you can see that there is no separation between you guys, it's just that you have different expertise, the easier it's gonna get for you. And the way you think about your client is very important. So I want you to check whether or not you're thinking about your client in an empowered way, in a way that

They can make their own decisions. They can come through when they can and just holding that space for them, even to say, Hey, I know you're busy. I'm here whenever you can speak. You know, I'd love to help you with a project. I'd love to learn more. Right. So there is no assumption on whatever happened. Just be like, Hey, I'm here. That is a self-assured response and channeling that in, in the way you communicate is going to give you a huge advantage on the marketplace.

Okay? And I want to go into a little bit on the superiority realms because that sometimes can be like overly confidently. I know I can help you. know I can help you. This is the best way. And I always am very cautious with overly confident people because that confidence that is overly confident, there is a little of a I know better than you do. And yes, there are certain areas where you do know better than I do.

of course I'm more than welcome to hear your feedback but when it comes to someone I don't know, I don't trust, this is my first time, they're just applying to work with me and they come up with that superiority angle, like I know I know best, I know better I have yet to be convinced about your abilities up until this point so because I don't know you, you haven't demonstrated that you are

Dominika Legrand (14:06.92)
in fact an expert, you just come off to me as almost like superior or like authoritative figure, which to me I don't appreciate. So in order to balance that out, if you are the type of person like, hey, I know I'm very smart. I don't want to come off as superior. I am confident and that's okay. Like there is good confidence, but I don't want to come off as superior. I don't want to turn clients off thinking I know it all and they're all wrong.

in the way they are doing things. I need to shit on like this, like I need to shit on what they have been doing so that they can see they need me. If you have a tendency to be confident at what you do, which is awesome, what I want you to be is more unsure in a sense of I'm not sure if I can help you type of deal. Because in that sense, when you are not sure, it leaves you a little bit of space to fill in your blanks so you understand someone's situation.

fully, someone's circumstance, someone's desire or someone's goals before you tell them that you know everything and you're great and you can help them. If you are confident, which is great, and you can also think, I don't know all the answers, I'm not going to give a diagnosis before I do, you know, you have a chance of actually having someone open-mindedly hearing what you have to say instead of, this person is here to lecture me. I don't like that. And to be fair, no one likes to be lectured, right?

No one likes to be lectured on whatever it is that you think they are doing wrong. Because what if that is intentionally done the wrong way? I had this guy reaching out to me telling me that, hey, you have a problem on your book funnel. Your book is for free. I can make you a checkout page and you can collect money. And I'm like, the thing is you don't know if it's intentional or not. In fact, it's intentional. It is free intentionally. And

that overconfidence was like and I told him like dude like I wouldn't want to work with you because you missed the mark you should just be asking me if this is for this is intentional or not and then insert your your knowledge about me putting the checkout link there we all sometimes fall into this because we are excited because we know better because we have confidence and it's great it's awesome it's just that we don't know

Dominika Legrand (16:33.076)
the person's values. We don't know them, like if they care about it or not, if there's something that they are receptive or not. And we totally can ruin those opportunities if we are overly confident and there is no basis of that confidence. So dial back and be curious instead. Collect the questions, know the information and don't know everything, just assume and that assumption can really help you.

to validate whether or not what you're thinking is true or not. So I hope that this video helped you guys. We really went into balancing your superior inferior energy when it comes to providing services, when it comes to working with people. Being secure means really to me is to say I'm okay no matter what. Whether this client is responding back, whether this opportunity is going through, I'm fine either way. If you can really

hone that in when it comes to the way you operate and you can really put yourself in your shoes and try to empathize and even guess like I guess you you have a lot of applications right like it's okay I'm here love to know more but I understand you have a ton of people right now flooding you that can get you much further than you know follow up follow up follow up right so I hope that this was helpful not to mention guys like the people who are anxious in their

business approaches, usually are like in the convincing energy that they need to try so hard to get your attention. And I don't think, here's another tidbit, I don't think if when you vibe with someone and you understand you get them, it's almost like you don't have to try so hard, there is so much resonance already, you know? And trusting in that resonance, you know, that you guys are getting each other, you guys are vibing.

is super important when it comes to getting together. Like you want to feel like someone gets you. Like this person gets me, like it's not superior or inferior, just this person gets me, is able to help me and you know, I like this person. He or she is a cool person to work with. I think that's what people really want to feel. Like can they understand me? Can they help me? Are they able to further my vision in a way that I imagine? Like are we on the same wavelength?

Dominika Legrand (18:58.664)
And that, guys, that's easy to kind of capture. It's there. It's there or not, right? So there is no need for you to prove anything that is expected of you or follow up anxiously nor come in superior energy. All that is, right? So I hope that this was helpful. Thank you so much for listening to me here. If you haven't gotten your book, you should. It's here. It's like my coaster.

but get your book High Converting Online Events. You can get it from Amazon. I'm gonna put a link in the description of this video if you want to. Or you can get the digital version still for free at book.dominicalthegrand.com. I'm gonna also put that somewhere. Thank you so much for being here and watching, listening. And I really hope that the next time you are looking for business, prospecting, connecting with people, you can really do it from a grounded...

and balanced voice. Good luck guys.